Black Belt Special Powers

Getting a black belt is an odd thing.  You spend years training; sweating, bleeding, pulling muscles, getting bruises and blisters, being disappointed in your technique, being slightly happier with your technique, being disappointed in your technique again, washing uniforms in special laundry loads, and buying ice packs, ibuprofen and sports tape by the truck load.  But no one is ever impressed with what leads up to a black belt.  They just hear you are a yellow belt, or a blue belt or red-black belt and say, "Oh, that's nice...when are you getting your black belt?"  

I understand that a lot of most people do not know anything about martial arts.  Most people, if asked, will know these things about martial arts: 1) Bruce Lee, 2) The Karate Kid movie, 3) Chuck Norris, 4) You break boards and 5) Black belts are the top of the pyramid.  And any time you mention that you do martial arts they automatically assume it is Karate because of #2 or Kung Fu because of #1.  Thanks, Daniel-son. 

All that being said, what do you mean, "When am I getting my black belt?"  It's not the belt that matters!  Ok, yes, the belt is sweet, it has certain bragging rights because there is a expectation of coolness that comes with it, it's a reminder of how hard you worked to get it, but the belt itself does not give you super powers.

On the day you first wear it you are not suddenly a better martial artist.  You can't spontaneously do the Van Damme splits, jumping spin heels like Chuck Norris or turn invisible like a Ninja.  It doesn't work like that (although it would super cool if it did!).  You are no better the day you get your black belt then the day before you got your black belt.

You know what getting a black belt means?  More training.  Why?  Because you are never going to be perfect.  Never.  No matter how many years you train, buckets of sweat you drip or black belt degrees you have.  You. Will. Never. Be. Perfect.  That doesn't mean you won't get better or that you shouldn't try.  It's the striving for perfection that pushes us.

Anyone who is training for the right reasons isn't training for a belt color.   You could just as easily show up for class in yoga pants and a tank top and the training is just as valid if your mind is in the right place. 

As my Hapkido Master says, "You will never be perfect...and that should be freeing!"
 

F-!!

Funny story from a friend.  My friend, let's call her "Marie," is a veterinarian.  I saw her today at lunch and asked her how it was going.  Her response?  "I wish I could separate the animals from the owners!" 

Why you ask?  Every animal that is sent home is sent with a "discharge report."  This is basically a list that tells the owners how the animal was tested, procedures done, if any meds were prescribed, etc.  This particular owner just MAILED BACK her discharge report with a big, fat F- (yes, it was in red) on the top of it and apparently some slander about how much she hated "Marie." 

Wow.  Thanks for the constructive criticism.  Now, I have been friends with this vet for closing in on 10 years and I am not underestimating when I say she is SUPER nice and VERY smart. 

I therefore hate this unknown lady and calling her mean names.

If she was that unhappy with her service she could have asked for another doctor.  Stupid.  People are stupid.  I run into this problem all the time.  *sad face*

Times They Are A-Changin'

Ack!  It's been...4 months since I have posted anything and they have changed the layout of Blogger.  Holy rusted metal, Batman!  Razzin-frazzin...

I seriously need to start taking notes on things to blog about.

Also, my sister has suggested switching blogging sites, but I can barely get through my current one.  She says she "gets more traffic" there...meh.  I don't really have any "traffic" now to speak of, so...

Anywho.

I could take suggestions.  I like suggestions.  But there's that whole "traffic" thing so who would be doing to suggesting?  Anybody?  Bueller?

Help a sister out.

Trixy Spiders

I am actually not really scared of insects in general.  Seeing a pincher bug crawling around in my bathtub (seriously, HOW do they get in there?!) doesn't send me screaming for cover, flies don't make me weep in fear, mosquitoes just annoy me, butterflies are prrrrrretty.

Spiders though...spiders freak me out a little.  If I see the little sucker in advance, ok, no problemo, grab that thing with tissue, squish it, flush it.  Hasta la vista baby.  The problem with spiders though is you almost never just spot them, they sneak up on you. 

You're minding your own business, trying to fall asleep in bed and wait...what's that?  There's something...crawling...up your arm.  You're getting in the shower and one darts past your hand down the shower curtain.  You're playing with your sister's nunchucks and one pops out of it's egg and leaps at you (that one's for you Amber).  I am pretty darn sure they do this on purpose to humans just to mess with us.

You ever notice that they are really hard to kill?  That's why I don't just squash, I flush 'em.  Because one time I squashed and just tossed it in the toilet without flushing and when I came back later that frakin' spider was ALIVE and making a valiant attempt to free itself from its watery grave.  THEY ARE NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOUR PUNY ATTEMPTS TO SQUASH THEM STUPID HUMANS.  They bounce back and then...oh then...they seek revenge. 

Spiders are part of what the Italians call La Famiglia.  Yes, there is a spider mafia.  Yes, they will send out reinforcements to attack you if they find out their Cousin Vinny has been hurt.  That's why you flush them as fast as you can before they can send out a distress signal.  Because God help you if the call goes out...and it's answered by the enforcers of the family.  You think that spider you killed in your bathroom was big?  Just wait.

Stupid Yappy Dogs

Oh, I know, they look all cute and innocent.  Until you hear their annoying high-pitched yapping.  At that decibel I don't think you can call it "barking."

My new neighbors whose living room windows face my parking spot have two of these little guys.  And EVERY morning they freak out when I'm walking to my car and try to get me through the windows.  What?  I'll throw down with you little midget dogs.  Bring the funk.  Bring the noise.  I'm not scared.   I will punt you to the Rose Bowl. 

Disclaimer: I wouldn't have a problem with them if they weren't so annoyingly loud.  I love dogs.  I don't have a problem with little dogs unless they are yappy.  Except chihuahuas, I just don't like them on principle.

Winning With a Sprained Finger

 

A couple of weeks ago I was swimming and went to grab the lip of the pool at the end of a lap and slipped off.  Yes, that's just how I roll.  In the process I tweaked my finger.  It would get better and then hurt, and then get better again.  I thought I was just re-spraining it.  

Yesterday it started looking all sad and swollen again and developed at nice lump on the left side of my knuckle.  My friend at work thought I had dislocated it and convinced me I needed to see the doctor.  Awesome in a can.

I get in to the doctor and at first she thinks it may be a dislocation because it looks like it has "torque" (never a word you want to hear in reference to your bones) and sent me down to X-ray.  She then reviews my X-rays and says it looks like I have a bad bone bruise (a lot of blood) and it may be cracked.  But the radiologist would review it too.

So I have to wear a splint for 2 weeks.  Fine, I've been splinted before.  Then they bring out this splint with prongs on it and proceed in using half a roll of tape to bind it.  By the time the nurse is done my finger looks like the back of a stegosaurus.  

Awkward.

I just got the radiologist review.  No fracture.  So it's just badly sprained and bruised (so I was right all along!).  But I still have to wear the splint for 2 weeks!!!!!!  Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

An Excess of Citrus

You ever buy or are given so much fruit you actually have a hard time eating it all before it goes bad?  What?!  Me too! 

It's one thing to get apples or peaches or...well, pretty much anything but citrus.  You can eat apples until they are coming out your ears and when they start going bad you can make pie.  You can eat peaches until you're sick and when they start to get mushy you can make cobbler.  What the frak are you supposed to do with lemons and oranges?  Yes, I know you can zest them, but really, how much zest does one person need?  You can juice them, but who wants to use oranges that have dried out for juicing? 

It's the excess of citrus principle, there will ALWAYS be more oranges then you can eat.  I don't care if you buy two at the grocery store, they will multiply when you aren't looking and all of a sudden you will be thinking the same thing as I am, "Crud...what am I supposed to do with them NOW?!"