I had a dream the other night that I was being attacked by zombies and I was fighting them off with sidekicks and face punches.
I know, weird. I don't even watch horror movies, so why I was dreaming about zombies in the first place is beyond me. I do like that I was fighting them off though, don't mess with me!! ;) Why I didn't just outrun them however, I have no idea.
Also, I tried to scalp myself with my own fingernail last night. It hurt.
That is all.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Utilikilts and Musketeers?
This weekend my sister and I went to the local annual Scottish Games and Celtic Festival. We like to go and:
Look at the animals;
Listen to music (the dude playing the horn thing had niiiiiiiiiiice arms!);
Eat bangers;
And make fun of things like this;
Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to snap a pic of some of the more...eccentrically attired folk. My personal fave this year, the dude dressed like a musketeer. Uhh...CELTIC festival homie G, musketeers were FRENCH!
Then there were the displaced Renn Faire people. Wearing the costumes onces a year, just isn't enough!! Plus, very large women seem to enjoy wearing corsets and letting their...ummmm..."attributes"...hang out unhindered.
I did miss the guy last year that was dressed like a viking: loin cloth, helmet with horns (thanks Wagner), horn full of "grog,"and knee-high fur boots, who was drunk off his ass. People were walking up to him and asking to take a photo with him. Classic.
All in all, good times to be had. :)
Look at the animals;
Listen to music (the dude playing the horn thing had niiiiiiiiiiice arms!);
Eat bangers;
And make fun of things like this;
(this was outide the Utilikilt booth)
Then there were the displaced Renn Faire people. Wearing the costumes onces a year, just isn't enough!! Plus, very large women seem to enjoy wearing corsets and letting their...ummmm..."attributes"...hang out unhindered.
I did miss the guy last year that was dressed like a viking: loin cloth, helmet with horns (thanks Wagner), horn full of "grog,"and knee-high fur boots, who was drunk off his ass. People were walking up to him and asking to take a photo with him. Classic.
All in all, good times to be had. :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Pissy People and Annexing States from the Union
Ok, let me just say that being rude/pissy/demanding/horrible on the phone to someone that you want help from does NOT in fact help your cause. What makes you think that being rude to me will make me want to help you MORE??
"Oh, I'm sorry sir/ma'am!! Don't get snotty with me! I will do whatever you want post-haste! In fact, I will run your test/re-fax you results/answer your stupid question yesterday, that's how quick I will be!! In fact, if you ever need anything else, please feel free to call and yell at me any time!"
Can't you just feel my sincerity? :-D
Two seperate people calling me, one from New Jersey and one from Virginia, have annoyed me so thoroughly that I have actually annexed Jersey and Virginia from the U.S. That's right, we're down to 48 states! Hey, two less to learn in geography kiddies!
If this keeps up the United States will be a lot less united.
All I'm asking for is a little common decency people. I mean really, what would your mother say about your manners??
"Oh, I'm sorry sir/ma'am!! Don't get snotty with me! I will do whatever you want post-haste! In fact, I will run your test/re-fax you results/answer your stupid question yesterday, that's how quick I will be!! In fact, if you ever need anything else, please feel free to call and yell at me any time!"
Can't you just feel my sincerity? :-D
Two seperate people calling me, one from New Jersey and one from Virginia, have annoyed me so thoroughly that I have actually annexed Jersey and Virginia from the U.S. That's right, we're down to 48 states! Hey, two less to learn in geography kiddies!
If this keeps up the United States will be a lot less united.
All I'm asking for is a little common decency people. I mean really, what would your mother say about your manners??
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Conversations With My (Guy) Roommate
This guy cracks me up!
Him: I'm watching NCIS:LA and I don't know why.
Me: It's because ll cool j is pretty isn't it?
Him: Eff yeah!
Me: Ah, I see you are American Bandstanding in the kitchen
Him: *dances around like a goober*
Me: You're baking a pie? Why?
Him: Why not? Never done it before...
Me: Really? Huh.
And then later that night...
Him: Heather! Try a piece of my pie!
Me: It turned out well then?
Him: I don't even like apple pie and I like my pie!
Me: Ok, I'll try a piece later.
Him: EAT MY PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Stop pressuring me!
Me: *walking into a conversation between my guy roommate and his girlfriend*
Him: Ooh! We should ask Heather!
Me: Huh?
Him: Who makes the pearl tampons?
Me: Tampax
Him: *turning to his girlfriend* HA! Told you!!
Me: Oh jeez.
Me: *leaving for work in the morning*
Him: Good luck!
Me: Uh...thanks?
Him: *playing drunken Monopoly with my other roommate*
Me: I live with thugs...
Him: *singing* I was belly dancing...
Me: Yeah, but you didn't make much did ya?
Him: Hell no &/tch!
Him: I'm watching NCIS:LA and I don't know why.
Me: It's because ll cool j is pretty isn't it?
Him: Eff yeah!
Me: Ah, I see you are American Bandstanding in the kitchen
Him: *dances around like a goober*
Me: You're baking a pie? Why?
Him: Why not? Never done it before...
Me: Really? Huh.
And then later that night...
Him: Heather! Try a piece of my pie!
Me: It turned out well then?
Him: I don't even like apple pie and I like my pie!
Me: Ok, I'll try a piece later.
Him: EAT MY PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Stop pressuring me!
Me: *walking into a conversation between my guy roommate and his girlfriend*
Him: Ooh! We should ask Heather!
Me: Huh?
Him: Who makes the pearl tampons?
Me: Tampax
Him: *turning to his girlfriend* HA! Told you!!
Me: Oh jeez.
Me: *leaving for work in the morning*
Him: Good luck!
Me: Uh...thanks?
Him: *playing drunken Monopoly with my other roommate*
Me: I live with thugs...
Him: *singing* I was belly dancing...
Me: Yeah, but you didn't make much did ya?
Him: Hell no &/tch!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Duck, Duck, DUCK!!!!!!!!
I was giving a ride to two of my friends this evening and we were chatting and laughing away as I took a back road to where I was dropping them off.
All of a sudden Sarah screams, "Duck, duck, DUUUUCK!" and that's when I noticed that there was in fact a friggin' duck strollin' down the middle of the street without a care in the world.
I gave that duck something to care about.
It was too late to swerve, but I did manage to manuever it between my tires as opposed to under my tires. I think I heard it's little stupid head hit the undercarriage.
Can ducks get migraines?
We stopped to look, but it was moseying on with its business.
No harm, no fowl.
Oh duck.
All of a sudden Sarah screams, "Duck, duck, DUUUUCK!" and that's when I noticed that there was in fact a friggin' duck strollin' down the middle of the street without a care in the world.
I gave that duck something to care about.
It was too late to swerve, but I did manage to manuever it between my tires as opposed to under my tires. I think I heard it's little stupid head hit the undercarriage.
Can ducks get migraines?
We stopped to look, but it was moseying on with its business.
No harm, no fowl.
Oh duck.
Grammar: Look Smarter With These Helpful Hints!
People who use atrocious grammar really annoy me. Now, I am the first to admit that I don't use perfect grammar myself sometimes, and I do use slang. But there are some things that you just need to fix if you are still making these mistakes. So here are a couple of hints:
The Difference Between "their," "there" and "they're":
Their-used as a possessive pronoun. For instance, "Did everyone get their lunch?" When talking about making, doing, or belonging to more than one person.
There-usually used as a non-specific location for a place. For instance, "Please go sit over there." This word is usually used to cut down on description so that your sentence isn't cumbersome. When speaking, "there" is usually used in correlation with a pointed finger toward what you are talking about: "Please go sit over there (points to chair at the table)."
They're-used as a contraction of "they are." This word is a plural noun's state of being. For instance, "They're painting my bedroom." What are "they" doing? They are "painting." The easiest way to remember when to use this word instead of the others is by taking it out of the contraction and seeing if "they are" fits just as well into the sentence, if it does then that's the one to use!
It Is "A lot," Not "Alot":
This is one that is so often misspelled you would think it's the right way to do it! I am constantly amazed at how often I have seen people use "alot" as one word. The most recent one was at my sister's place of work where there is a thank-you letter posted written by a 1st grade teacher saying her class "had alot of fun." People! "a lot" is two words, not one!
You're vs. Your:
I actually saw this one misused on a greeting card yesterday! UUUGH!!! This one has the same rules as the difference between "their" and "they're"...
You're-used as a contraction of "you are." This is a pronoun's state of being. For instance, "You're going to go visit Nana later, right?" What are "you" doing? You are "visiting." Same rule as before, take out the contraction and if you can put "you are" into the sentence without it sounding jacked up, then that's the one to use.
Your-possessive adjective, meaning of, belonging or done by you. For instance, "Your cat is a mean little thing, isn't she?" Who does the cat belong to? You.
It's or Its?:
Yes, a lot of mistakes are made with these tricky little contractions...maybe people would just be better off not using them. Seriously.
It's-a contraction of "it is." A pronoun that is used to refer back to something that was named before or as an impersonal pronoun. For instance, "The baseball just flew over the fence. It's the last one, can someone go get it?" Now, what's the last one? The baseball, we don't have to say that over (as in "The baseball just flew over the fence. The baseball is the last one...) because everyone knows what we are talking about at that point, and repeating it would just be redundant.
Its-possessive adjective, meaning of, belonging or done by it (a nonspecific noun). For instance, "I don't know what kind of animal it was, but its paw prints indicate a large animal."
The Difference Between "their," "there" and "they're":
Their-used as a possessive pronoun. For instance, "Did everyone get their lunch?" When talking about making, doing, or belonging to more than one person.
There-usually used as a non-specific location for a place. For instance, "Please go sit over there." This word is usually used to cut down on description so that your sentence isn't cumbersome. When speaking, "there" is usually used in correlation with a pointed finger toward what you are talking about: "Please go sit over there (points to chair at the table)."
They're-used as a contraction of "they are." This word is a plural noun's state of being. For instance, "They're painting my bedroom." What are "they" doing? They are "painting." The easiest way to remember when to use this word instead of the others is by taking it out of the contraction and seeing if "they are" fits just as well into the sentence, if it does then that's the one to use!
It Is "A lot," Not "Alot":
This is one that is so often misspelled you would think it's the right way to do it! I am constantly amazed at how often I have seen people use "alot" as one word. The most recent one was at my sister's place of work where there is a thank-you letter posted written by a 1st grade teacher saying her class "had alot of fun." People! "a lot" is two words, not one!
You're vs. Your:
I actually saw this one misused on a greeting card yesterday! UUUGH!!! This one has the same rules as the difference between "their" and "they're"...
You're-used as a contraction of "you are." This is a pronoun's state of being. For instance, "You're going to go visit Nana later, right?" What are "you" doing? You are "visiting." Same rule as before, take out the contraction and if you can put "you are" into the sentence without it sounding jacked up, then that's the one to use.
Your-possessive adjective, meaning of, belonging or done by you. For instance, "Your cat is a mean little thing, isn't she?" Who does the cat belong to? You.
It's or Its?:
Yes, a lot of mistakes are made with these tricky little contractions...maybe people would just be better off not using them. Seriously.
It's-a contraction of "it is." A pronoun that is used to refer back to something that was named before or as an impersonal pronoun. For instance, "The baseball just flew over the fence. It's the last one, can someone go get it?" Now, what's the last one? The baseball, we don't have to say that over (as in "The baseball just flew over the fence. The baseball is the last one...) because everyone knows what we are talking about at that point, and repeating it would just be redundant.
Its-possessive adjective, meaning of, belonging or done by it (a nonspecific noun). For instance, "I don't know what kind of animal it was, but its paw prints indicate a large animal."
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