Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Safety First

I just couldn't resist this little guy running for his life while his arm is on fire.  STOP. DROP. AND ROLL.  Dude, didn't you learn anything in kindergarten...or college?

So we had to have "safety training" for work last week.  Three hours of mind-numbing explanations like "if you smell smoke, pull the fire alarm."  Really?  You don't say.

The only way I could stay awake for the whole 3 hours was to 1) bring coffee and 2) pretend to take notes while really making snarky comments on the back of the agenda.  They are as follows:

Time into the meeting: 0 minutes

OMG!!  This is going to be 3 hours?!?  Kill. Me. Now.

Topic: Safety/Injury Prevention
-"Hi, my name is Bob and I am a safety engineer."
   -Me: Hi Bob.  What exactly is a safety engineer?  Do you have a degree in...something?

-About workman's comp; "Serious injuries are expensive."
   -Me:  That is, don't get your arm chopped off, it will cost us a bundle.  Thanks for caring.

-Recommendation for safety: "Stretch before going to work."
   -Me: What the hell?  What am I, a yoga instructor?  I work in a lab!

Time into the meeting: 45 minutes

Topic: Fire Safety
-No matter how big or small the fire, call the fire department to come out and check.
   -Me: They are bored.

-Don't wear loose clothing.
   -Me: want us to wear skin-tight clothing?  That doesn't seem professional.

-Compressed gas cylinders are very large projectiles if damaged.
   -Me: Rocket maaaaaaaaaan...

-If you smell smoke, pull the fire alarm and call 911
   -Me: Unless it is BBQ day at work, in which case you will be told by the dispatcher to stop being a  
    nervous ninny and go get a hot dog

Time into the meeting: 1.25 hours
I think my butt is going numb...

Topic: Emergency Action Plan
-There are 3 types of evacuation;
   1) Horizontal (Me: move down a hallway...hopefully out the door)
   2) Vertical (Me: WHAT?!  Why the hell would you go UP floors on a building when you want to get  
   3) Stay-in-place (Me: I'm sorry, how is this an evacuation?)  

-Our evacuation place is a grassy knoll outside the building  
   -Which is surrounded on all 4 sides by other death trap

Topic: Ergonomics
-Contact safety services and they will respond in 2 weeks or less
   -Me: What if it's been four MONTHS? (true story)

10 minutes break 
Upon returning they made us stretch, no joke

Topic: Bio-safety Officer
-What's safe for some isn't safe for all
   -Me: We are not all created equal...

-If you work with dangerous toxins, you are only allowed a small amount at once
   -Me: Creating havoc a little bit at a time. this like the 3 oz airplane rule?

-Wear appropriate safety gear
   -Me: Key word=appropriate.  Lab coat?  Yes.  Face shield?  No.  And I will laugh at you if you wear 

Time into the meeting: 2.25 hours
Holy frack, I need more coffee...

Topic: Hazard Communication and Laboratory Standard
-It is required you have a "responsible person"
   -Me: Not it!

-Wash your hands, you "could be contaminated and not know it!"
   -Me: Uh...speaking from a microbiological standpoint, you're always contaminated.  Just wash your 
    hands you nasty people.

Our motto: Think safe.  Act safe.  Be safe.

I hope this helped.

Friday, April 8, 2011

BBC's "The Big Read" Top 100 Books

 Well, I must say I have done much better in the book department then the movie department.  They are once again, almost all classics.  I have crossed out those I have read...43/100.  I find it funny that 1) Harry Potter 1-3 were listed, but not 4-7, there are a LOT of Terri Pratchett and Roald Dahl (as many as Charles Dickens) and absolutely no Shakespeare...huh.  Funny BBC.  There is some other classics list out there where I am in the high 80s or 90s/100...that made me feel better about myself.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie