Wednesday, June 29, 2011

She has V.D.?!

But let me give some background here.

I work in a lab with a lady who is from Mexico and although her accent is very slight now (you're welcome for all the tutoring) this wasn't always so. 

Way back when I stared working here miscommunication was much more frequent (and much more fun!) either because of the accent or because of translation mishaps. Now, I am usually very good with understanding accents, but when you work in a loud lab (white-noise from equipment), you aren't paying close enough attention, or the other person is facing away from you...things happen.

After a particularly hilarious episode in which I was trying to explain "Chick-Lit" (ex. Bridget Jone's Diary) to her and she thought I was talking about the gum "chiclets" we have henceforth dubbed all funny misunderstandings by yelling "chiclet!" and giggling like school girls afterward. 

Then there was the time when she told me that her son (who at the time was about 6) was dressing up as a "ninja" for Halloween and I swear on all that is holy I thought she said "midget."  I was like...well...he's still I guess that will work...but it's a little avant garde isn't it?  Is it a social commentary?  The poor kid, who is now approaching his teen years (almost) is still called "midget" to this day.

The latest misunderstanding didn't even involve us directly, but two different people in the labs.  But it was still awesome!!  Said Mexican lady was home sick with food poisoning issues.  Someone else asked where she was and the other lady in the lab told them (in a complete over-share) she had V & D (which would be vomiting and d---, you guessed it).  The response to this was, "SHE HAS V.D.?!" Which was then answered, "NO!  I said V AND D, not V.D.!!"  At which point we all turned on our hearing aides...  But, I gotta say...this made for a much funnier conversation.  Chiclet!!  *giggle*

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The List

I am a list-maker.  It's what I do.  Typically, on any given day, my list looks something like this little guy's.  Sad but true.  Usually I have more than one list going at once and that is because I think of more things to do when I don't have the original list on me.  That's when the Post-It notes come into play.  Post-It notes are like manna from Heaven for me.  What?  I have a thing about office supplies.  

I just ordered my new Franklin Covey planner pages for the new year and I am inexplicably happy about it.  Why?  Because I can organize things with it!  I know, I know, it's all part of my OCD.  Hey, at least I am not a candidate for Hoarders...that show scares the crap out of me.  I watch it, and then I have to clean something.  So really...good motivation.

Tonight is the first night I will actually be home to accomplish things on my to do list.  I need to be productive tonight.  Plus, it will be a good night to be indoors considering it is supposed to be 100 degrees out today.  Happy Summer Solstice! 

Maybe, if I am really good, by the end of tonight my list will look like this...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Safety First

I just couldn't resist this little guy running for his life while his arm is on fire.  STOP. DROP. AND ROLL.  Dude, didn't you learn anything in kindergarten...or college?

So we had to have "safety training" for work last week.  Three hours of mind-numbing explanations like "if you smell smoke, pull the fire alarm."  Really?  You don't say.

The only way I could stay awake for the whole 3 hours was to 1) bring coffee and 2) pretend to take notes while really making snarky comments on the back of the agenda.  They are as follows:

Time into the meeting: 0 minutes

OMG!!  This is going to be 3 hours?!?  Kill. Me. Now.

Topic: Safety/Injury Prevention
-"Hi, my name is Bob and I am a safety engineer."
   -Me: Hi Bob.  What exactly is a safety engineer?  Do you have a degree in...something?

-About workman's comp; "Serious injuries are expensive."
   -Me:  That is, don't get your arm chopped off, it will cost us a bundle.  Thanks for caring.

-Recommendation for safety: "Stretch before going to work."
   -Me: What the hell?  What am I, a yoga instructor?  I work in a lab!

Time into the meeting: 45 minutes

Topic: Fire Safety
-No matter how big or small the fire, call the fire department to come out and check.
   -Me: They are bored.

-Don't wear loose clothing.
   -Me: want us to wear skin-tight clothing?  That doesn't seem professional.

-Compressed gas cylinders are very large projectiles if damaged.
   -Me: Rocket maaaaaaaaaan...

-If you smell smoke, pull the fire alarm and call 911
   -Me: Unless it is BBQ day at work, in which case you will be told by the dispatcher to stop being a  
    nervous ninny and go get a hot dog

Time into the meeting: 1.25 hours
I think my butt is going numb...

Topic: Emergency Action Plan
-There are 3 types of evacuation;
   1) Horizontal (Me: move down a hallway...hopefully out the door)
   2) Vertical (Me: WHAT?!  Why the hell would you go UP floors on a building when you want to get  
   3) Stay-in-place (Me: I'm sorry, how is this an evacuation?)  

-Our evacuation place is a grassy knoll outside the building  
   -Which is surrounded on all 4 sides by other death trap

Topic: Ergonomics
-Contact safety services and they will respond in 2 weeks or less
   -Me: What if it's been four MONTHS? (true story)

10 minutes break 
Upon returning they made us stretch, no joke

Topic: Bio-safety Officer
-What's safe for some isn't safe for all
   -Me: We are not all created equal...

-If you work with dangerous toxins, you are only allowed a small amount at once
   -Me: Creating havoc a little bit at a time. this like the 3 oz airplane rule?

-Wear appropriate safety gear
   -Me: Key word=appropriate.  Lab coat?  Yes.  Face shield?  No.  And I will laugh at you if you wear 

Time into the meeting: 2.25 hours
Holy frack, I need more coffee...

Topic: Hazard Communication and Laboratory Standard
-It is required you have a "responsible person"
   -Me: Not it!

-Wash your hands, you "could be contaminated and not know it!"
   -Me: Uh...speaking from a microbiological standpoint, you're always contaminated.  Just wash your 
    hands you nasty people.

Our motto: Think safe.  Act safe.  Be safe.

I hope this helped.

Friday, April 8, 2011

BBC's "The Big Read" Top 100 Books

 Well, I must say I have done much better in the book department then the movie department.  They are once again, almost all classics.  I have crossed out those I have read...43/100.  I find it funny that 1) Harry Potter 1-3 were listed, but not 4-7, there are a LOT of Terri Pratchett and Roald Dahl (as many as Charles Dickens) and absolutely no Shakespeare...huh.  Funny BBC.  There is some other classics list out there where I am in the high 80s or 90s/100...that made me feel better about myself.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

And Ye Shall Know It's a Co-Op By The Smell of Patchouli

Don't get me wrong, I love a good Co-Op.  Who doesn't like the smell of patchouli and unwashed hippies?  I mean, come on!  It's like a Whole Earth Festival with a better cheese selection. 

Being from California, I always kinda assumed we had the mother-load of hippies along with all the hard-core Co-Ops.  I was wrong. 

I am visiting friends in Boise, Idaho right now and we went to the Boise Co-Op where it suddenly occurred to me this is deep...a Co-Op is a Co-Op, no matter where you go. 

It's like Wal-Mart, go into anyone, anywhere and you will find hicks and dirt cheap stuff.  Go into a Co-Op anywhere and you will find hippies...and well, dirt.  And fruit like this:

This may look like a mutated artichoke on the outside, but it's a fruit from the Andes called a "cherimoya."  Where on earth would you ever find something like this besides at a Co-Op?  The Andes.  That's it. 

Co-Ops: making the world a more diverse place one weird fruit and tub of fertilizer worms at a time. 

Sunday, March 27, 2011

101 Movies You Must See Before You Die (According to Roger Ebert)

Obviously most of these are older, "classic" films and while I have seen many classic films, apparently they weren't all the right ones...25/101.  Meh.  In all honesty, there were a couple I haven't even heard of...I guess I need to brush up on my "must sees." 

2001: A Space Odyssey
The 400 Blows
8 1/2
Agguire, the Wrath of God
All About Eve
Annie Hall
Battleship Potempkin
The Best Years of our Lives
The Big Red One
The Bicycle Thief
The Big Sleep
Blue Velvet
Bonnie and Clyde
Bringing Up Baby
Un Chien Andalou
Children of Paradise
Citizen Kane
A Clockwork Orange
The Crying Game
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Dirty Harry
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoesie
Do the Right Thing
La Dolce Vita
Double Endemnity
Dr. Stangelove
Duck Soup
Easy Rider
The Empire Strikes Back
The Exorcist
Fight Club
The General
The Godfather
The Godfather part II
Gone With the Wind
The Graduate
A Hard Day's Night
It's a Gift
It's a Wonderful Life
The Lady Eve
Lawrence Of Arabia
The Road Warrior: Mad Max 2
The Maltese Falcon
The Manchurian Candidate
Modern Times
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Night of the Hunter
Night of the Living Dead
North By Northwest
One the Waterfront
Once Upon a Time in the West
Out of the Past
Pink Flamingos
Pulp Fiction
Rear Window
Rebel Without A Cause
Red River
Rules of the Game
The Scarlet Empress
Schindler's List
The Searchers
The Seven Samuri
Singin' In the Rain
Some Like It Hot
A Star Is Born
A Streetcar Named Desire
Sunset Boulevard
Taxi Driver
The Third Man
Tokyo Story
Touch of Evil
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Trouble In Paradise
West Side Story
The Wild Bunch
The Wizard Of Oz

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I Think Therefore I Geek

So, for reals peoples, if you are a nerd/geek/fangirl/whatever and you have never heard of ThinkGeek you need to go there NOW.  Or like, yesterday.

It has amazing cool stuff that you need. Not just things that you would want, things that you need.

I, for instance, just bought samurai sword chopsticks.  But, wait...not only samurai swords, but also light saber chopsticks!  Ohmygaaaaaaaaaaaah!  

You know you're jealous.  The amazing thing is you can get these too!  I will share my find!  What can I say?  I'm a giver.

P.S. I also got free zombie blood in my shipment.  Convinced now?

P.P.S. No, I do not work for them or get any compensation for plugging them...but I would like to! ;)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Blogs I Follow

Out of sheer curiosity today I was looking at the blogs that I follow on this thing.  There are currently 21, 10 of which are book blogs, one is my sister, a couple are friends, a couple are random people I have found via other blogs and the rest are geeky science stuff.  I am not sure if 21 is a lot to follow or not enough, or if it really even matters.  There are also some blogs I follow (more book stuff; authors I like) that are not on Blogger, but have their own websites (this is why I like Good Reads because it allows me to stalk...uh...admire...more authors).

I always say "I should blog more" but then there are huge gaps that I feel bad about.  Not that I would be disappointing many people, it's not like I have a cult following like The Sassy Curmudgeon, whom I love by the way...can we be friends?  :)  I guess I should just start small and try to actually remember to blog...I think every day might be a little much right now, but at least once a week?  That's a compromise, right?  Other people seem to be so much better at it then I am though!  Anywho, enough about my inadequacies.  They are a-plenty.

Are there any blogs out there I should be reading that I am not?  Thoughts?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Read Between The Lines

I had a little garbage disposal "problem" the other night.  I was preparing a stew for the crock pot and therefore peeling carrots and potatoes in the sink.  When I was all done I made the garbage disposal eat them.  You know, because that's what garbage disposals DO...they eat peels.  It's sorta their purpose in life.

Well, apparently not my garbage disposal.  It's above all that.

My garbage disposal took it a step above a sit-in and launched an all out stealth assault.  One minute it's happily munching away on some veggie bits, the next things I know there's a gurgle, gurgle, gurgle on the other side of the sink and then a small Old Faithful of soapy water and mulch is fountaining up.

I was not amused. 

I tried to get it to go down again, but it was having done of it.  THAT is when it launched the sit-in.  And that's where it stayed, chained to it's neighbor to wait out the night or be dragged off to jail.

Fine, you want to play it that way you hippie?  I called in maintenance. 

When I got home after work the next night I found this work order waiting for me:
Request (filled out by me):
Garbage Disposal Clogged

Work Done and Materials Used (filled out by maintenance, and this was the actual spelling and capitalization):
DON pill patute in the garbage disposal.

I am pretty sure this is supposed to mean I should no longer put peels in the garbage disposal...with their thanks.  But I can't be 100% sure. 

At least the garbage disposal is now fixed, although apparently it can no longer actually dispose of any garbage, rendering it useless to actually have. 

You win some, you lose some.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

TV Land May Not Be Where I Live, But It's Where I Have a Summer Home

It has been pointed out to me more than once, and by more that one person (usually in a superior voice), that I watch a lot of TV. 

This is true.  I own this.

These same superior-I-have-so-many-better-things-to-do-with-my-time people are also the first people to ask me what happened on last night's episode. Uh-huh. 

I am slightly picky about what I do watch, so for instance, I am not down with soap operas, (in general) I abhor reality TV (Jersey Shore, anything involving housewives, bachelors, stupid human tricks, etc) , and the news just depresses me.  I love CSI, medical/crime dramas, comedies, and sci-fi stuff. 

Since the invention of the DVR my TV watching has increased exponentially...hey, I don't even know how I manage to watch everything.  Although I will tell you it involves a lot of multi-tasking (right now I am writing this post and watching Ghost Hunters) and usually a lot of backlog. 

My recall for TV, books, music and movies is pretty darn good which means my pop culture references are AWESOME.  ;)  Maybe I should go out on pub quiz nights...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Yes, I Am Giving You the Evil Eye

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Ok, maybe don't be afraid of this picture I found of the older guy who is giving "The Look," but not really "The Evil Eye."  I just Google Imaged "evil eye" and they weren't playing.  Some creeeepy stuff popped up.

I guess I could have gone with this one instead:

But whatever.  I digress.

Anywho...Evil Eye.  Back to the story.

I had to go to the DMV yesterday...Ah-ha!  Now you understand the evil eye, huh?

I had what amounts to a pleasant experience up until the very end when I had to get my picture taken.  I HATE getting my picture taken, it makes me nervous, to the point where I am pretty sure my palms were sweating.  So I truck up to window 8 where there is one counter and computer, in front of which is this line divider thingy up with a big sign that says "Wait behind the line until it is your turn."  Fair enough.  It's in the corner of the DMV, so really you would be totally getting in the way otherwise.

It is my turn, I go up to the counter, sit my purse down, hand the dude my paper, get my thumbprint scanned again, sign my name and am about to step directly to my left to take the pic when this dude in a suit comes barreling up next to me--ignoring the sign!--and starts asking the DMV worker questions about how long it's going to take to get his replacement ID.

Excuse me?!  Can you not read?  Do you think you are more important then the rest of the people here?  Can you not wait your turn?  Because now I have to step away from my purse with you standing right there and try to look like I don't want to murder you in a picture ID that will be permanently displayed on my card for at least the next 4 years.  So help me, if I look like a sociopath on my driver's license picture because of this I need more picture stress!  I'm already afraid I blinked when the flash went off, therefore making me look stoned.  Just what I need, a government ID that makes me look like an angry stoner.  For the love of all that's holy people...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Today's Post Has Been Brought To You By The Letter "P" and the Number 1

Anyone who has ever upped their water intake (whether for just health reasons or because of increase in exercise) will understand when I say, "I have to pee all the time!!!"  For reals.  Last week after my third trip to the bathroom I looked at the clock and did a double take.  I just went pee THREE times in an hour and a half?  WHAT?!  So what did I do on my way back from said bathroom?  That's right, stop to drink some more water.  It's a sick cycle. 

I mean, you're welcome kidneys and a solid fist bump for being healthy, but how many times am I going to be jumping around in my desk chair today?  Give it a rest.  I have better things to do with my time at read other people's blogs...

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Treadmill: It Ain't For Wimps

My New Year's resolution?  Start training for a 5K.

I know, I's really "Start Training for a 5K, Part Deux."  Whatever.  Don't judge.  The first one I did kinda sucked and it was actually run by real PEOPLE.  As in there were actual "trainers" telling you what to do as you hoofed it around a track.  Was I able to run a 5K at the end of it?  No.  I ran 1 mile...almost. 

So the thing I am doing now is a training schedule (online: 5K Training) that in 9 weeks is supposed to bring you from the couch to being able to run 3 miles...I am not exactly couch status, but I can't run worth crap so here we go knees!  Let's all get in this together!  Today was day 1 of week 2 and I am still hanging in there.  Hollah!  I'm doing what I can people.  It's a start.