Thursday, May 27, 2010

Pet Peeves

You know you all have them.  I'm just brave enough to list them and sound completely anal...which I am...which is besides the point.  Shut up.

I feel as though this will be an on-going list:

-People who chew with their mouth open
-People who start a sentence "I know you're busy, but..."
-The stupid weak girl in a movie/TV show who is too girly to protect herself from the big strong guy attacking her. KICK HIM IN THE GROIN!
-Fake laughs
-When you're hungry and there isn't any freakin' food in the house
-People who proudly proclaim that they don't read
-People who looked shocked/concerned when I say, "No, I am not involved with anyone right now."
-My mother who is always hinting about the grandbabies she doesn't have
-People who act like they are entitled to treat you like dirt
-Rude people
-Ignorant people
-People with no sense of humor
-People who wear spandex when not exercising (I'll give you a pass if you are headed to/from the gym)
-People who wear spandex who shouldn't be wearing know you've seen them
-People who stand too close to you
-When the cashier asks you how your day is going and you're buying Kleenex and decongestants or something equally indicative of illness, how do you think it's going buddy?

-People who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom (I mean really?  GROSS!)
-People who don't use deodorant
-Guys who don't cut their fingernails
-Anyone who doesn't cut their toenails
-People who consistently walk around with greasy hair
-Guys who can't grow proper facial hair but still try so they end up looking like a transitioning Wolfman
-The comb-over...ugh!!!  For the love of God, just get a buzz cut and be proud!
-People with yellow teeth
-People with bad breath

-When they don't replace communal stuff (ie. TOILET PAPER)
-When they don't take out the garbage on their night
-When they use all the laundry baskets
-When they leave all the lights on in the house and AREN'T HOME
-When they don't do their dishes because the dishwasher is full/clean and washing by hand would just be too hard *sniff*
-When they leave dirty plates/half-full glasses scattered around the house because it's just too hard to take them to the sink
-When they have parties outside your window until the wee hours of the morning
-When they eat your food

-People who talk on their cell phone while driving
-People who cut you off
-People who cut you off and then SLOW DOWN
-People who drive under the speed limit when not warranted by weather conditions
-Bad parkers
-People who don't use their blinkers
-People who give you dirty looks/call you names/make rude hand-gestures for something that was their fault

Science-The Next Frontier:
Mostly, this is just things on medical or crime dramas that make me laugh...I mean really, I thought you people have consultants!  Just had a cops watch cop shows and make fun of stuff they do??  Huh...
-When science shows--like CSI--get the SCIENCE wrong
-Mis-pronouncing medical terms or names of bacteria/viruses/chemicals/diseases
-Showing "sciency" things that just aren'
-The fake beakers/Erlenmeyer flasks on every lab bench on every show (one of which is usually boiling) that are full of pretty colored liquids (see pic on my homepage). They aren't really anything but water with food dye.  Just so you know.  In real labs what you have to watch out for is the clear stuff.
-Any show that features people wearing lab coats/scrubs that are tailored to fit the person in snug glory.  I'm sorry, but labcoats/scrubs are not made to highlight your boobs.  If a labcoat is too tight to sit down in without popping buttons or seams, it's a FAIL and no one wears it!  

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Saving Lives

Sadly, I don't think anyone noticed my bit of brilliance here...but it made my morning!  ;)

So, today I had my re-certification for CPR/AED/First-Aid.  Besides it being 4 hours of mind-numbing 80's wasn't that bad.  I got to practice compressions on "Anne" who was very cooperative.  Really, she just laid there.

The only unfortunate thing about Anne was she didn't have a face...

Which was admittedly kind of creepy because the instructor kept yelling at us, "Now, switch with your partners and remember to take your face with you!"

The good news is that I can now SAVE LIVES!!!  Now, I gotta go find someone to practice the Heimlich on...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

iPad Commercial

As I was watching LOST last night (OMG!!!  The series finale is almost upon us!) the iPad commercial kept coming on...and coming on...and coming on.  Seriously, I think I saw it four times! 

Now, I happen to have a problem with the iPad in general; hellooooo it's a gigantic iPod Touch for $500, that's it!!  It's not that cool.  Come on Apple.  Work with me here.  You didn't even put flash on it.  WHAT?!  Oh, and the name of your devise sounds like a feminine hygiene product.

So, Apple, to prove my point, here is the latest (real) commercial for the iPad:

"What is an iPad?
iPad is thin.
iPad is beautiful.
iPad goes anywhere and lasts all day!"

Thank you iPad, if you could just guarantee it not leaking, I think we would have a winner!

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Zen of Sarcasm

Yes, I received this in an e-mail and yes, I am copying it here.  Don't judge me.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3.  It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9 . If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10 . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day .

11.  If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12 . If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18.  There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19 .  Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving .

20.  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21 .  Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22 .  Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


TGFS: Thank Goodness For Staff

It's an annual (free) picnic lunch my work puts on every May to "celebrate" the staff. 

However, this year the picnic was one week after 11 people were fired at my work.

TGFS: You still have a job, give thanks and have a free sandwhich.


Thursday, May 6, 2010

It's the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius...

I went to an outdoor student production of "Hair-The Musical" last night.

Besides the fact I was freezing, it's Spring and the production was in the arboretum (pollen, pollen, everywhere!), it was longer than I thought (at almost 3 hours) and something about 19-20 year olds playing hippies in 1968 makes me wasn't bad.

(Photo courtesy of my iPhone)

Not my favorite play of all time...but for $14 you really can't beat it.

That got me thinking, what other plays/musicals have I been to??
Phantom of the Opera
Les Miserables
Mary Poppins
Mamma Mia!
The Little Mermaid
The Lion King
The Pirates of Penzance
HMS Pinafore
Jekyll and Hyde
Into the Woods
Avenue Q
Jersey Boys
Sweeny Todd
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Romeo and Juliet

There might be more that I am forgetting, but that's all I can think of for now.  Uh...I like the theatre.   :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Slip and Fall Down Carefully

It's why I practice Hapkido in one oddly phrased translation. 

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

"Special" Meetings

So, the place that I work has been hit really hard by the economy downturn.

Yesterday, the new financial head of the hospital sent out an e-mail saying there was going to be a "special meeting" for all staff today at 12pm.  That was all the e-mail said.  Informative. 

Today, people have been getting phone calls in the labs asking them to go up to the office of said financial guy and getting layed off.

As you can imagine, the place is in a state of shock and building rage.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go curl up in the fetal position under my lab bench and listen for the phone to ring.