Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I am actually not really scared of insects in general. Seeing a pincher bug crawling around in my bathtub (seriously, HOW do they get in there?!) doesn't send me screaming for cover, flies don't make me weep in fear, mosquitoes just annoy me, butterflies are prrrrrretty.
Spiders though...spiders freak me out a little. If I see the little sucker in advance, ok, no problemo, grab that thing with tissue, squish it, flush it. Hasta la vista baby. The problem with spiders though is you almost never just spot them, they sneak up on you.
You're minding your own business, trying to fall asleep in bed and wait...what's that? There's something...crawling...up your arm. You're getting in the shower and one darts past your hand down the shower curtain. You're playing with your sister's nunchucks and one pops out of it's egg and leaps at you (that one's for you Amber). I am pretty darn sure they do this on purpose to humans just to mess with us.
You ever notice that they are really hard to kill? That's why I don't just squash, I flush 'em. Because one time I squashed and just tossed it in the toilet without flushing and when I came back later that frakin' spider was ALIVE and making a valiant attempt to free itself from its watery grave. THEY ARE NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOUR PUNY ATTEMPTS TO SQUASH THEM STUPID HUMANS. They bounce back and then...oh then...they seek revenge.
Spiders are part of what the Italians call La Famiglia. Yes, there is a spider mafia. Yes, they will send out reinforcements to attack you if they find out their Cousin Vinny has been hurt. That's why you flush them as fast as you can before they can send out a distress signal. Because God help you if the call goes out...and it's answered by the enforcers of the family. You think that spider you killed in your bathroom was big? Just wait.